now the sun is out
now the sun is out after many weeks without it, after only rain and clouds and chilly wind. tokyo still amazes me this second time but also been going westwards and walking into small streets, old stores, little intimate shops/resturants. spending time on the train for more than an hour, is this the end of the world? also, great to be walking. still, i cannot allow myself to fully engage in this backpacker/hippie looking. where is my work, cramming inside my head and frustrated over the vastness of space around me, i struggle to find the perfect red suitcase. last saturday, i made the usual rounds of young people seeking sanctuary for their romantic, passionate and perverted fantasies. no-full, no-full, after seven tries we found one. my debut into this world that actually fascinated me. now i understand. now, i think i have become more sick and perverted. jacob says, donna is growing up. where could my car interior designer be now. no mobile, no email. absolutely casual. shocking yet liberating. what is there to have, anyway? how can we believe that who we choose is not but a random choice among millions of souls passing through this arbitrary world. but still i think of him, somewhere inside my pretentious hard heart is a wish that i bump into him among the throngs of people crossing Shibuya.
May 30th, 2006 at 3:23 pm
Am here if you need to talk. You know that. (Will always be.)
— bear hug